i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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