There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
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Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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