I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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