I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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