How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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