I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize