I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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