peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You did what with his pubic hair?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
