You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize