Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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