Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've blown a few things in my day
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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