Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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