So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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