Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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