My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize