Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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