im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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