I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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