Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize