I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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