Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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