we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
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putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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