I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize