The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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