Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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