I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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