I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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