I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
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Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize