I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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