I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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