my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize