My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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