He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize