i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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