I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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