I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize