Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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