so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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