Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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