Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize