im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
do herpes really smell.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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