I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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