i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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