K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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