another moral hangover. fuck.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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