it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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