i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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