remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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