You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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