Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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